"Write What You Know"

 Advice to writers often goes, 'Write what you know.' I agree it's much easier to write about a topic you know a lot about or have strong feelings about than something you can't relate to.

I like to write about eating out in restaurants. Fancy ones, hole-in-the-walls and everything in between. Maybe it's because I like to eat, but I do find that eating out is a situation that's ripe for humor. A lot of it has to do with waiting. And everything that could go wrong. Here are some of the rituals: waiting for a table, being shown to a table, getting a menu, reading the menu, deciding what to order from the menu, actually ordering, waiting for the food to arrive, eating the food, getting the check and paying the check.

Like I said, there are a lot of things that can go wrong when we go out to eat. (And ordering takeout is a totally different topic for another day). A lot of it has to do with waiting. You go into a restaurant, with no reservations, and many times you have to wait. Sometimes for a long time. Then you're finally shown to a table. Maybe you don't like where they seat you. It might be near the noisy kitchen, or the front door (where, in the winter, you get a shot of cold air every time someone enters), or a window with no shade, or in a room where all the tables are so packed in together that not only can't you hear the person you're seated with but you can't hear yourself think. 

You're seated. Then you wait for the server to bring you a menu. This could take a long time. When they finally arrive they ask if you want anything to drink. You say, 'Just ice water.' The ice water never arrives. Then you read the menu. The prices are very high! For some of us this is an issue. You finally order (maybe the cheapest thing on the menu) and then you wait. Sometimes for a very long time. You watch the server pass by with plates of food, but they're not for you! You keep your eyes on the kitchen door. Again the server comes out of the kitchen loaded with plates of food. You even clear a spot for the food. Those meals aren't for you, either. 

Then the food arrives! Maybe it's not what you ordered. Maybe it's what you ordered but it tastes funny. You have to find your server, who has disappeared, because it's not what you ordered, or it tastes funny and you don't want to eat it. The server finally comes over. You explain the issue. They take the food away. You order something else. Then you wait for that to arrive, while the person you're dining with has a plate of totally fine food in front of them, they're famished, and you say, 'It's OK. You go ahead and eat.' They say, 'No, I'll wait till you get your food.' It's an issue.

Your correct order finally arrives. Your companion has already finished their food. You finally finish your food and then you wait for the check to arrive. First, you have to find your server. When they arrive they'll ask if everything's ok and you'll be tempted to tell them that everything was not ok and just bring me the check. The check finally arrives and it's wrong. They overcharged you $2 for your sandwich and you want an adjustment. Now they have to take the check back and refigure the amount, or tell you that they gave you, by mistake,  the "old" menu to begin with and now your sandwich does cost $2 more.

Finally, after the check issue has been sorted out, you decide to pay the bill. You wait on line to pay the bill and decide to tell the cashier how everything went. There's a line of people waiting to pay so you feel guilty keeping them waiting.

These have been some of my experiences at restaurants. I have hundreds more. Write what you know? You can see how I can get plenty of material for cartoons when I eat out. Anyone hungry?